He Likes Me.. He Really, Really Likes Me

I get along great with Chief’s dad. He’s a great guy, even though when I say that Chief rolls his eyes at me.

They have a history… like most fathers and sons do .. only theirs was riddled with Chief’s dad being drunk enough and the beatings he doled on his sons severe enough that Chief left home at 16 and forged his own path in life.

They’ve had a kind of on and off relationship ever since. Mostly OFF but there were times :: very few :: when it was ON and Chief, even when I met him.. and maybe as recent as less then a year ago, harbored tremendous anger and animosity to the extend that he once said that he couldn’t wait until his father got to an age where he had the strength of an 8 year old but the mental capacity to remember the time he beat Chief with a 2″ bike chain JUST LIKE CHIEF WAS DOING TO HIM NOW.

I know. Harsh. Beyond Harsh.

There’s a saying in Italian that goes:

ACQUA CHETA ROVINA I PONTI

Still waters run deep

Meaning.. you never know what’s brewing under one’s surface.

Anyway…

I had a great relationship with my dad :: who passed 13 years ago :: so I can’t say that I necessarily understood why Chief was being such a hardass. My thought process was that his father was an alcoholic and most of those beating issued to those 4 boys were in drunken rages. People do change.

But he wasn’t hearing any of it so I let it go. Some things people have to work out on their own.

Fast forward to… November? I was talking to Chief one afternoon at work and he non-chalently says that his father stopped in the store.

I was like… wha??????

He was like, “… yea.”

I asked him what he wanted and he said nothing, just popped in to see the place. And if I’m not mistaken, they wound up getting into some kind of “discussion” about something having to do with money.

The root, of course, of all evil.

Anway.. about a week later, I was at the store for some reason in the afternoon. I either took the day off or I called out sick because I remember not being able to stay away and sitting in the back of the store on a milk crate with an open counter drawer stuffed with my fleece jacket and me resting my head on it.

I heard the store door open and then Chief popped his head where I was and asked me to come out front.. that he wanted me to meet someone.

I really didn’t.. I wasn’t feeling good and the last thing I wanted to do was meet someone looking all sick and pale with a raggedy pony tail.

But I went out and there was Chief’s Dad and his Uncle.

NOTE: His uncle isn’t really his uncle but his father’s BFF.

He introduced me and I was my usual giddy, friendly, quirky non-sick self.

Anyway.. His visits became less sporatic and at Christmas time bought a gift for him from us. It was one of those men’s gifts that are already pre-wrapped. It was a last minute thing.. I saw it, thought it was the right thing to do so I bought one for him and one for Uncle BFF.

That thought, I think, went a long way.

Because then the travesty happened.

Chief got arrested and now, I had to find people and talk to people that I knew existed but had never been introduced to .. asking for help in a major way.

And for all the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy things that Chief had said about them .. they came through. In a big warm and fuzzy way.

I firmly believe that there’s a silver lining in every cloud and good always comes out of bad. The “good” in this case was Chief and his dad rebuilding their relationship.

I’m WAY too modest to say that I had something to do with it but I think I did. I think my openess, raunchy sense of humor, touch-huggy-feelyness opened a door that was long shut.

There are many times when Chief was say, “… he just comes here [the shop] to see you” or “.. he really likes you” or “… he keeps telling me that I better keep you” and that makes me feel good. Really good.

The other day his dad came into the store and I told him to keep June 21st open. That I was giving him plenty of time to not make other plans. He asked why and I told him that we were going to take him out for Father’s Day.

He asked me where and I told him it was his choice.

Chief.. being Chief.. was all like “… do I have to go?”

He was joking.. well, for the most part.. so I whipped it around and said, “Forget the dumbass, just you and me will go.” and then I said, “.. it’s been a long time since I celebrated a Father’s Day and I miss it.”

I think that touched something deep and I guess afterwards when I wasn’t around he said something to Chief because that night when we were getting ready for bed, Chief said to me “.. my dad really, really likes you.”

Currently, his dad lives with Chief’s twin brother Sarge.

Sarge walks a straight.. tight.. conservative Christian line :: I mean, come on, you don’t have lesbian fantasies??? What man DOESN’T fantasize about lesbian porn????? :: and his wife is the same way. I don’t necessarily think that Chief’s dad can have the same type of conversations with her that he has with me and that’s great. She’s a really good person, don’t get me wrong.. but I just let him be him, yknow?.. and I think he really appreciates that..

And that’s cool.

Really cool.

It’s Not ALL About Me… Is It???

Shhh!!! I’m going to tell you a secret!!

Are you ready?

Are you SURE??

Promise to keep this just between YOU and ME?

Okay then..

Here it is…

I have other things.. thoughts.. and opinions outside of my life with Chief.

<< insert thunder clapping and lightening here >>

There. I said it.

So like… I understand the appeal, ok?

Taking a peak into someone else’s life with all it’s highs and lows.. function and dysfuction.. is like taking a vacation from our own lives.

Not everyone uses the great Blog-O-Rama for enlightenment, opinion and just to gain a worldly perspective.

Sometimes.. people read other people’s blogs so that THEIR life doesn’t seem so tragic.

I get that. I do.

And even though my life is an open book blog and practically nothing is off limits.. I am not consumed by everything going on under my roof. To be fair, considering all that I have written, I can see how that might be a misconception.. But yknow, I have opinions about things that I like to share. And if you don’t agree with my opinions or thoughts or whatever.. feel free to comment and tell me why.. try to change my mind… I welcome healthy debate and interspection

However…

Do not..

DO NOT..

I repeat…

DO FUCKING NOT…

… tell me to “stick with what I know” :: meaning my family dysfunction :: and not offer my opinions on controversial subjects.

I knew when I posted about Gay Marriage and Nationalized Healthcare that the subjects were touchy.. hence the word CONTROVERSIAL in the title line.

My inbox was flooded with email with people telling me .. basically.. to shut up.

Like .. oh.. my blog is read by the Government Good ‘Ol Boys who make every decision based on my views. Come on.

Curiously, no one issued a comment on those posts and my only summation is because they didn’t want a public bashlash.. so they whipped me privately :: and not in a good way! ::.

To those of you who did send me rude, nasty and condesending emails HERE’S THE MIDDLE FINGER FOR YOU

NOTE: ..because even though you state that you’ll NEVER read my blog again we both know that you will

I could give a hoot what you think about me or my views. But I do take issue with the notion that I am just some simple minded Tammy Wynett following fool.

Which reminds me of a funny story.

Years ago, I was stuck in a major traffic jam a half block from where I worked. In order NOT to block the intersection.. repeat.. IN ORDER TO NOT BLOCK THE INTERSECTION.. I pulled my car over to the side and slipped in behind a car parked barely legally next to a fire hydrant.

There was another car trying to make the turn onto the street where i had pulled over :: actually, he should have waited until I pulled out :: and was having a difficult time. So he rolled down his passenger side window and yelled:

LEARN TO DRIVE YOU DUMB BITCH.

Now.. freely call me a bitch because I’ll admit that I can be a major one with little effort but DUMB?

Nah.. I don’t think so.

So I grabbed a big, gooey Dunkin’ Donuts blue berry muffinc and threw it. It traveled right through my driver’s side window.. into his passenger side window and SPLAT.. it landed right on his cheek and then slow motioned fell onto his shoulder where it rolled down the front of his shirt and into his lap leaving a trail of crumbs and purple goo.

His face was priceless!!

And I said to him.. “don’t EVER call me DUMB!”

The point I’m trying to make is that I just sit here and type and whatever comes out at any given moment comes out. Nothing is pre-planned, no agenda is being followed.. no Kool-Aid will be served.

And Dude.. I’m one freakin’ person.. nothing I say matters anyway!

THE GOOBER FILES: Masturbating Monkey

A few Valentine’s Days ago :: is that grammatically correct? :: The Goober decided to send me some much needed love and thoughts and sent me gift.

This was at a particually rough.. bumpy.. and mentally taxing time and I really don’t think he’ll ever quite get how much it meant to me. AND for other reasons that I won’t impede on his privacy here.

And in keeping with the “.. all things happen to me and Dick Tracy” mode, it was set to be delivered to my office one a day when my region had one of the worst surprise ice storms in recorded history.

So I didn’t wind up getting it until the next day but when I did, it was a stuffed animal called the LOVE MONKEY.

I still have the note that came along with it in my box of memories but off the top of my head it said something about whenever I needed a Goober Hug then just hug the monkey.

… and I still do.

Very few people give me things :: outside of my birthday and Christmas :: so regardless of what it is, just the fact that someone thought of me puts me over the moon.

To show my thanks.. and appreciation.. I did what I always do when it comes to all-things Goober.

I send pictures.

So with a little masking tape and a camera phone, my freak was unleashed and I set a-snapping!

Not sure if he got any raised eyebrows from his co-workers but these are the pics and I STILL break out in hysterics when I see them!

I scare amaze myself sometimes!!!!

But was I done? Noooooooo!!!

In thanks, I sent Goober his OWN love monkey.. complete with peeled banana and a message that probably made the person printing it out at the company blush!

Unfortunately, my memory isn’t that good and if they send me a confirmation email then I probably still have it. But I do know it had to say something about monkey humping …!!!

Getting Some Of My Money Back

.. so around 4pm yesterday, I was on the laptop in my bedroom working on a project and Spaz was in the living room watching tv when there was a knock at the door.

I assumed it was on of of Bubba’s friends looking for him so I didn’t pay much attention to it.

Spaz then knocked on MY door saying that the crack whore “… brought all this food over for us” and asked if I could give her a cigarette.

So I go outside and sure enough, she’s there in her pimp’s boyfriend’s pick up truck and Spaz is bringing in cases of soda.

She said that she had had her food stamps reinstated and it was SO MUCH MONEY that she couldn’t spend it all on her and Weed so she got some stuff for the boys because we don’t keep food for them in the house.

I explained to her the it isn’t that we DONT keep food in the house for them but that we don’t keep JUNK food in the house for them because they’ll eat everything at once and considering that Bubba is grossly obese and Spaz is MORBIDLY obese, the last thing they should be filling themselves with is sugar, salt and soda.

I asked her what she got for them and she said:

• 2 boxes of pop tarts
• 2 boxes of fruit snacks
• 4 boses of lunchables
• 4 cases of soda
• 1 gallon of ice cream

Great.

Sugar. Salt. Soda.

I told her that it was great that she wanted to buy them stuff but they would be better off with healthier things like the 100 calerie snacks or the baked potato chips, etc. OR she could get them the Kids Cusines :: which are alot smaller portioned then what I remember as a kid ::

She told me that she would call every month for a list and I’m like.. you don’t need a list .. just get them things that are healthy.

I wasn’t trying to be difficult.. I swear.. but come on.

At any rate, I asked her what had happened to her stamps and she said that they had stopped them about three months ago when Weed moved in with her.

NOTE: Weed moved in with her 6 months ago and she has stamped about a month ago when she came in with her pimp boyfriend and bought 35.00 worth of stuff

She then went on to say that she got a full time job managing a cleaning service for this woman out of her house.

Um. Yea. I’m not even going to go there.

She said that she told the woman up front that she had a felony on her and the woman said that since she was honest about it she would give her a chance especially after the Crack Whore said that she wouldn’t steal from a house.

Um. Yea. I’m not even going to go THERE.

I feined the whole rose petal / kitten kisses expression :: OH! THAT’S GREAT! GUESS YOU WERE GOING STIR CRAZY NOT DOING ANYTHING, HUH? :: and then she said that the child support payment was already submitted to the the state and we should be getting it soon.

I brushed it off and said whatever but told her that:

.. yknow, there’s a possibility that I’m going to get laid off from my job so I’m not going to be able to support your kids in the luxury that they’re accustomed to.

Did I happen to ever mention that one of her eyes spins in a weird direction? Oh. Well, it does and that just made it spin more.

So I told her that she needed to keep this job because yknow, anything that takes any type of mental capacity, like the Thrift Store, doesn’t seem to be her cup of tea.

NOTE: It’s always fun having conversations with her when she’s blitz out of her mind :: which, of course, she was :: because when you say things that drip with sarcasm but with a smile on your face they just don’t get it and it’s fun to watch.

ALSO NOTE: I never said I was noble. Never even implied that I was so if my folly at the expense of a junked out Crack Whore is offensive to you then you just need to walk a block in my converse all stars and see how you handle all this.

She had asked me if I had seen Bubba and I said I didn’t.. she said he was suppose to come over to her place after school so she could get him a hair cut because HE said, “… Dad and Leese never have the time to take me.”

I told her that he’s a freakin’ liar because all he had to do was ask :: like the last time :: and I would have dropped everything :: like the last time :: and taken him :: like the last time.:: The problem is is that he’s never around to ask..

NOTE: When I met up with Bubba afterwards and asked him about it, he said that she didn’t say that. She said that she would have taken him on Sunday but everything was closed. Which, you know, in the age of Hair Cuttery and Super Cuts… that isn’t true but I’m not going to go there.

Also had a conversation with her about giving them her old computer.

NOTE: Did I write about that? Apparently, her mother is giving her a used computer and she asked Chief if she could give the boys HER old computer. Chief said fine but I told the boys they weren’t getting anything NEW :: which was my original intent :: or USED if they didn’t step it up at home.

So I told her that .. and I told her that there is no reason in God’s green earth that she can live in a clean space and I can’t … and the reason why I can’t is because of HER kids so she said that she wouldn’t send it over until I said it was ok.

Which.. yknow… isn’t going to happen. She just agrees and nods at me and then does whatever the hell she wants to do. I know that.. She knows that.. but at least I give it some hang time.

So she left and you know.. Spaz was all over the moon because she did something for him and that’s cool. I mean, I don’t get tourqued or upset or whatever..

Like I said before.. I know what these kids issues are and I know that she was a major factor in them having those issues. It’s not something my presence is going to fix. I’m not trying to replace her.. I’m not trying to cut her out of their lives.. the only thing I do DO is practice the art of spin control when she doesn’t something that hurts or disappoints them.

So as of now.. she’s getting 700.00 a month in food stamps :: is it me, or is that a GROSS amount for 2 people.. one of whom is also an adult :: so anything she provides for the boys is actually like me getting some of my money back.

As of now.. she’s working and supposedly is turning over child support.

Can you feel the warm and fuzzies??

Yea. Right.

Excuse me for being pessimistic but .. let’s just see how long its going to last.