THE GOOBER FILES: I Smell Sex

Posted: May 12, 2009 in Friends, Goober Files
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Heheh…

DISCLAIMER: There is NO WAY IN HELL that I’m going to be able to convey this with ANY WHERE NEAR the hilarity in which is was originally presented to me!

FULL DISCLOSURE: You have to remember that this happened a few years ago and I can’t for the life of me remember if Goob told me this over the phone or in an email. I want to say email for a variety of reasons so it’s probably long gone by now..

Yep.. went back to November 2006 and couldn’t find it

Anyway… so… heh. You gotta know The Goob.. he’s this 6’4″ mass of Paul Bunyon-ess with tree trunks for arms and the how facial goatee thing going on. In fact, he even said him self that him typing on a keyboard is like gorilla pounding at it.

So.. good looking guy that he is.. he gets interested in one the bar flies patrons at the place where he bounced on the weekends.

AND.. being the guy that he is.. she took complete and utter advantage of him :: my opinion :: and played him like a mandolin. IF she knew what a mandolin was! :: my opinion, again ::

Anyway.. I don’t remember if HE asked her to a movie or SHE mentioned maybe.. possibly.. that she would LIKE to go to a movie.. the memory is fuzzy but the end result is that they made a plan to go to the movies on a Sunday afternoon :: Saturday? Sunday? Saturday? Help me out here Goob ::

So I know he really likes this tramp woman so he does the who metrosexual thing, yknow what I’m saying? And heads over to her place to pick her up.

He knocks at the door and this older woman answers.. I think it was the chick’s mother or something.. and she tells him to come in.

He goes in and he sees the tramp woman sitting on a couch next to this other dude.

And he tells me, “… Leese, you know the size of my nose right? I swear.. and you’re going to think I’m crazy.. but I SWEAR I SMELLED SEX! You know what sex smells like, right? You know what I mean, RIGHT???”

I know what ever I was drinking :: because I’m always drinking something :: shot out my nose because I was laughing so hard.

I asked him what he did… and he said he made up some excuse that he ate a bad hotdog on the way over and had to go home.

So he left.

I remember asking him if.. maybe… possibly the “aroma” was coming from the Old Lady’s “Y:: there goes the ice tea again! ::

But he was like NO! NO! IT WAS SEX! I SMELLED SEX!!!

OMG.. I have to go pee.. that’s how much I’m laughing right now

NOTE: None of the above is Goober’s fault. He did nothing but try to escort a young woman to the moving picture show! Make fun of him and I will shoot a spit ball at you!

Comments
  1. The Goober says:

    First off, I told you this in CONFIDENCE mind you via telephone.

    Second, I am 6’2″

    Third, and yes I did! I told her that my stomach was upset from eating a hotdog from the local convenience store on the way over.

    Fourth, I DID SMELL SEX!

    Musty, smutty, rubbin-the-sheets-together sex scents ALL over the damn place!

    I smelled BUDUSSY!!

    • Leese says:

      Awwww Goober!! You KNOW that was too good to keep to myself!!
      And you may be ONLY 6’2″ but you’ll always be 6’4″ to me!!!

  2. The Goober says:

    Guess who I ran into last night!?!?!?!?!?!

    HER!

    Took a big sniff before I talked to her too!

  3. The Goober says:

    Oh lord…where do I start? Hmmmmmm. Okay. I have to go grab something and since its LAbor Day, not to many stores are open. Si I have to go to WalMart. Hate shopping there. But I digress. Anyhoooooo…I’m standing in the checkout line and low and behold there she is in the 20 items or less lane next to me. I stand there thinking she will notice me, but doesn’t. So I speak up: “Hey Tracey!”. She looks up, sees me and with this false smile says “hey!” We chat for just a bit..blah, blah, blah, then she notices the ol wedding band. Hard to miss, after all, my finger is a size 13. Her eyes get really big and she says in a low voice: “you got married?”

    “Yep. In Hawaii”

    “Hawaii?”

    “Yep. On the beach”

    “On the beach??”

    “Yep. We were there for 12 days”

    “12 days? I just got back from Padre Island. I was down there for the weekend.”

    “Oh. Sounds lovely” (I was being sarcastic – Padre is a cesspool now)

    “Well I hate to chat and run but I have to get.”

    As I walked away I noticed she was paying for a tube of Monistat!

    • Leese says:

      ROFLMAO!!! Monistat???? LOL … figures!!

      … and you can be damn sure she noticed all 6’4″ of you! She just wanted YOU to go to HER .. but anyway.. I guess mentally she started sounding like Gollum after seeing your band of gold!!! LOL!!

  4. The Goober says:

    It is pretty funny thinking about it. Her voice did get all quiet!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s