A. D. Hijklmonp D.

Posted: May 7, 2009 in Bubba, Chief, Just Me, Spazz
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One of the things that prevented me from posting yesterday or even feeling writing anything is that I was so weighed down emotionally because of Spaz and his behavior.

From what I understand, he was professionally diagnosed as having ADHD. I added the extra letters in the title because he has more then ADHA wrong with him.

But I won’t get into that now.

Anyway.. Spaz had been on medication for it but according to Chief it made him like a zombie. I remember him telling me that he wanted Spaz to be not be symptomatic but he still wanted him to be “Spaz”.

This was before I met him so I’m not quite sure what he meant by “zombie” but I’m pretty sure right now that if he WAS a zombie again, Chief wouldn’t be so bothered by it.

Not the Christmas that just past, the Christmas before :: I know this because I remember how my bedroom was decorated. Weird I know.. but I have bizarre reference points for remembering things :: Spaz was the most out of control that I had seen him. Well, it was new to me then but he was out of control. So Chief took him to the doctor’s and he put him back on the meds.

Problem was.. and it usually is when Chief is responsible for something.. he would forget to give the kid the pill in the morning. Another thing that I didn’t quite understand is why would you only give it to him on school days and not EVERY day?? Chief said he didn’t need it every day .. just for school so being new to this type of thing I shrugged and let it go.

Once the perscription ran out though, he didn’t get it refilled.

I can’t say that Spaz was a zombie during that time. Not even close. He was more settled at night .. didn’t eat as much.. went to sleep earlier but no horror stories that I had been prepared for.

So fast forward, what? 17 months? The last few days.. well, more then a few.. Spaz has been really pushing everyone’s last nerve.

He talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks … breath.. and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks … breathe .. AND TALKS and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks…

Non stop. About nothing. Random stuff. You can’t have a conversation with him because there’s no actual exchange. You can’t have a conversation with someone else if he’s around because he talks on top of you or them and interrupts.. NOT EVEN ABOUT THE SAME SUBJECT.. if he says “HEY LEESE” 3000 times a day.. then it’s a good day for me! He says such obvious things too.. like we get into the car and he’ll say “.. are we driving somewhere?” or if Chief takes a pizza home for dinner, he’ll sit at the table with the open box in front of him and ask “What are we having for dinner?” OR MY FAVORITE “Are we having pizza for dinner?”

Now.. before you say anything.. I did my time in Psych 101 and I know this is his way of getting attention… of being noticed.. of saying HEY GUYS, I’M HERE or “HEY GUYS, DONT FORGET ABOUT ME TOO!”

I KNOW this.. like I know how to spell my name but that doesn’t make it easier to tolerate.

Same goes for the lying. He lies constantly about everything.. things that only matter because you know he’s lying and there’s no reason at all to lie.

Take for example the box fan that’s been sitting in my living room for the last two weeks.

The night of the day that Bubba had all his friends, I noticed that there was a box fan standing against the wall near the fish tank.

I asked Spaz if he knew anything about it and he said he didn’t and that it must have something to do with Bubba and his friends being in the house.

So I thought that that made sense being that the weed BEFORE Bubba wanted to store a wheelchair that his friend found at our house. I made a mental note to check with Bubba that I propmptly threw out by accident because I didn’t remember to ask him about it until two nights ago.

Spaz had said something to Bubba about wanting his fan back

NOTE: When I moved Spaz’s bedroom downstairs, I gave his fan to Bubba. I did this because Spaz’s new room has a southern window and a western window that creates a great cross breeze. The bedrooms upstairs only have one set of windows. Since the landlord hired a douche roofer who covered the attic vents, it gets wicked hot upstairs as soon as the weather turns warm. So I figured Bubba was going to need the fan more the Spaz. This is a thorn in Spaz’s side that is festering and infected and gangrenous.

So I asked Bubba about the fan and he said he didn’t know anyting about it.. Spaz re-affirmed that HE didn’t know anything about it but as Chief was walking through the room he said it looked like the fan that used to be in the attic.

Bubba said that he doesn’t go in the attic.

NOTE: This I know to be true. As big as he is, he’s afraid of the dark and spiders and the few times I asked him to put something in the attic, it only made it in as far as his arms could reach in.

So now I have one mysterious fan and two kids who insist they know nothing about it.

I looked at them and said So someone did it and they won’t admit it because the only other people in here are me and your father and if it was either of us, I wouldn’t have to ask would I??

At that point, Spaz said, “Oooohhh… wait a minute… that COULD be the fan that I brought down from the attic.

Come on. Now really. Do you see what I mean about the lying about nonsense?

And he knows everything.. and he has a “friend” to collaborate everything..

NOTE: In fact, his “my friend.. ” has become the equivalent to “.. one time, in bandcamp”

And I know, because I did my time in Psych 101, that this is driven by his self-esteem. He doesn’t like getting corrected because it makes him feel stupid.. makes him feel bad when he does the wrong thing.. wants to feel important.. wants to feel viable.. yada yada yada..

The other thing is his complete and utter hatred of Bubba. This goes way beyond sibling rivalry and I remarked one time to Chief that one of these days Spaz is going to really do some damage to Bubba.

But with Spaz.. everything wrong in his life he tries to twist it around and make it Bubba’s fault. EVERYTHING. Do I need to spell it? E V E R Y T H I N G.

He has a bad day at school? That’s because Bubba put him in a bad mood that morning.

Can’t find his sneakers? Bubba moved them.. he’s SURE of it even if I point out that that’s where he left them the night before.

It goes on. And on. And on.

I’m taking the long road here on telling you what happened right? Well.. sorry.. but I figured you’d need some background.

Yesterday morning, I really don’t remember what set everything off. The night before I know that Spaz was crawling under Chief’s skin because Chief kept on walking out of the room.

Oh no.. I know what it was… DUH!!!

Tuesday, the school called Chief and told him that Spaz was acting up.. big time. Being disrespectful, throwing things, etc. So Chief got Spaz on the phone and told him that he was going to get the belt if he didn’t straighten up and fly right and if he got another phone call again, he was really going to whip his ass but good.

Wednesday morning, after Chief left for the shop, Spaz knocks on my door and tells me that he doesn’t feel good. I ask him what’s wrong and he said he feel like throwing up.

I tell him to splash water on his face and wake up alittle bit and he’ll be fine.

I went back into my room to get dressed and not two minutes later he asks me to see if he has a fever. I tell him to wait and he stood OUTSIDE my door, breathing heavy and moaning until I was finished.

He didn’t have a fever and then he told me he threw up. I asked him when because I didn’t hear him.

NOTE: When Spaz TRIES to throw up he makes all these loud noises so that you know he’s throwing up. Only problem is he hasn’t figured out how to make it sound like something his hitting the water!

He said it was before Chief left for work and I asked him why he didn’t tell his dad. No answer.

He was still obsessing about it.. saying that he was going to go to the nurse and she’ll send him home.

Little Brat

Anyway.. to get on with this.. we get to the shop and he tries to pull the same thing with Chief. He’s starts whining and bitching and answering back.

Chief was trying to hold his shit together until Spaz threatened the nurse thing. And then Chief lost it.

I mean LOST IT

If Spaz didn’t have any mental scars before then he has them now.

I know how Chief feels.. I know how frustrated he gets wtih Spaz.. I know how good Spaz is with getting under your skin.

One time he said, “Just shoot me”. I told him I only had one bullet left and it was for me!

But regardless of all that.. I can’t justify the things he said to him. It was the truth and the truth does indeed hurt but I don’t know.. I just don’t think him saying that he couldn’t stand to be around him.. that he’s the reason why he doesn’t stay in the living room.. that his constant talking wants to make him gauge his eyes out.. that it gets to the point where he wants to punch him in the throat and the only reason why he doesn’t is because he knows he won’t stop.. that’s why he has no friends.. that’s why none of the kids want to be around him because he lies about everything.. he’s picks fights with everyone.. etc etc etc.

You get the idea.

Like I said.. all true and all things that I’ve felt at one time or another but still… I felt for the kid. He was sobbing uncontrollibly with big tears sprouting out.

Chief stomped in the back room and I followed. He openned his arms and stepped into them and he hugged me tight, burying his head in my shoulder. He was shaking.. saying that he just can’t take it anymore. He doesn’t want to feel that way about him.. he doesn’t.. but he can’t do it anymore.

I told him that I knew because that wasn’t the right time or place to say anything else. He wiped his eyes and went into the bathroom. I then went out to Spaz and made him a cup of coffee. He was trying to say something but I couldn’t understand him so I lowered myself in front of him

NOTE: I’m way too old for deep knee bends

and said, “.. you can’t help it can you?”

He shook his head ‘no’ so I got up and made him a cup of coffee.

NOTE: Spaz loves coffee but isn’t allowed to drink it.

I heard Chief come out of the bathroom so I went back asking if he though Spaz should go back on meds.

He said he thought he needed to. In the meantime, I told him to let him drink coffee. Someone had told me before that coffee helps people with ADHD because it has the opposite affect and calms them down instead of revving them up. He said it made sense and agreed.

So I started doing some research and found mulitple sites that confirmed that coffee would help.. reducing refine should will help.. amino and fatty acids will help.. Omega 6 and Omega 3 would help.

Remembering the zombie claims, I got in touch with someone at the Center for Homeopathic Studies and explained what was going on.. they said that there is a product from a company called Native Remedies that they found to be very, very successful with ADHD patients. So I called Chief.. explained it to him.. and will spend the 118.00+ S&H with my next pay to see if it helps.

Now.. thought this was over didntcha??

NAaaaaa!!!!

I don’t say I need a reality show for nothing, yknow?

Fast foward to the end of the day. Spaz was at the shop because again, Bubba didn’t come home after school to open the door.

I didn’t remember if youth group had ended this week or last week so I told him I’d drive him over there and if not, then I’d take him home because we had the wholesalers to go to.

Sure enough.. there was no youth group so we take him home. As soon as he opens the door and before we can pull away, he comes running down the front lawn saying that Bubba is in the house blasting rap music

NOTE: If there’s one thing Chief can not stand it’s rap

Bubba comes to the door and Chief tell him that our house is a rap free zone and if he wants to listen to it then he can listen to it outside.. not in our house. He also told him not to fight with Spaz and if they’re going to play the PS3 then they have to take turns.

Spaz said he was just going to sit outside until we came back and Chief said that was fine.

We pulled away and Chief asked me how long I though Spaz was going to wait on the lawn and I told him to give it 3.5 minutes.

We did what we had to do and then stopped at McDonald’s so he could get something to eat and made our way back to the store. It was about 9:00 when we pulled up and what do we see?

Spaz knocking on the door soaked to the bone. I roll down the window and asked him what he was doing and he said that Bubba threw him out of the house because he wanted to play the PS3.

Me and Chief both looked at each other like WTF???

I tell Spaz to get in the car and I drive the block and a half to our house. As I’m walking in, I tell him not to say a word… I go in, followed by Chief, follwed by Spaz.

Bubba was sitting on the ottoman infront of the television with the internet up DOING HOMEWORK.

Let me tell you… if that wasn’t the most BIZARREST sight I ever saw. I shoul d have taken a picture!

Any rate.. so I ask what happened.

Bubba said that he had to do his homework and he needed the internet. Spaz started to wig out.. said that he was running away and to tell me and Chief that he was going to sleep in the cemetary and then ran up and down the street yelling I HATE YOU BUBBA.. I HATE YOU BUBBA

Very matter of factly, I said, “yea.. that sounds about right.”

Spaz started in about how nobody never bleieves him and throws himself on the chair like Sarah Bernhardt.

Chief said that he agreed but Bubba didn’t handle it right either. He shouldn’t have been doing his homework at the last minute… he COULD have been doing it instead of listening to rap on YouTube.. right Bubba?

I have to hand it to Chief.. he didn’t yell .. he tried to reason.. tried to explain.. but Bubba got smart with him when Chief told him that he had to come home after school to open the door for Spaz so Chief had to yell at him.

And then Spaz.. who ALWAYS has to have the last word.. said under his breath that he wanted a cable box in his room.

Chief and I had discussed the possibility of taking cable out of the living room completely and just putting in their rooms so that would solve alot of problems… but I said to Spaz that I’m not giving them what THEY wanted because they don’t give me what I want.. their rooms are still pig stys.. they show no responsibility and if they keep pushing it, instead of giving them cable I’ll take it out of the living room and just have it for my room.

He started to get fresh with me and Chief went off again.. not as bad as in the morning but bad.

He screamed at him that it was almost 10pm and he still wasn’t finished working.. that we still had things to do but we can’t because we have to put up with this bullshit.. they don’t make the rules.. they don’t deserve anything they want.. and on and on and on.

I was actually proud of him because some of the things that he said to them were thngs I had mentioned to him. So I know he at least listens.

I had told him before I think he needs to let them grow up and start treating them like 14 and 11 … and not 6 and 3.

I think he gets it now.. I think he realizes how out of hand things have gotten.

Consider this:

When we first started dating, all the kids clothes were in his room. All of them. And when the kids would take a shower they would ask him for pajamas.. and he would dole out their school clothes in the morning and they would ask him for pants or a shirt or whatever. Except Weed. Weed was doing his own laundry by that time.

I thought that was the fucking weirdest thing I ever encountered and he said that he had tried to have their clothes in their rooms but they were all over the place.. never in the dressers.. etc etc.

Basically the same thing going on now.

But.. BUT.. at the beginning of last summer when I got tired of being the keeper of the clothes, I told them that they were responsible for them now. Bubba told me that the whole clothes thing wasn’t his dad’s idea. It was his previous girlfriend’s idea. That when they lived together, she got all the clothes .. put them in their (bleck!) bedroom and kept the door locked.

I was like.. HUH????? … Why would she do that… and more importantly, why would he let her? Bubba didn’t know and to be honest, I’m sure Chief doesn’t know. Sometimes you can just shove him in the direction you want him to go and he’ll go.

I can’t do that to someone.. I don’t want to have that much control over someone and I think I’m probably the first woman he’s been with who didn’t take advantage of the particular character flaw and that may be some of the reason why he doesn’t take the bull by the horns sometimes.

My point to all this is … and I know I got off the Spaz topic.. but they are the way they are becasue everyone who should have been authoritative with them.. who should have made them learn how to not be a pig.. did the opposite. They just treated them like babies and so they grew to be babies.

And now that I’m armed with this information what do I do with it? Well.. I don’t know but probably a different tactic would be appropriate.

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