Fixing The Twist In Me

.. a few weeks ago I was listening to a Joel Osteen sermon where he said that nothing is impossible when it comes to God and that all we had to do was pray for what we wanted and eventually .. eventually .. God will grant it to you.

He used the example of his mother wanting a swimming pool and for years his father wouldn’t permit it but his mother continued to make plans for a pool. One day YEARS later, a couple traveled all the way from somewhere to attend his father’s service. Afterwards, the couple approached Joel’s parents and told them how much he had changd their lives and to show their gratitude, they were gifting the Osteen’s with a built in pool since that was the business this man owned.

The power of God.

He used another example of a little girl who wanted a kitten. Her mother resisted but the girl persisted. In asperation, the mother told the girl that if God gave her a kitten she could keep it.

According to Joel, the little girl went out to the yard and knelt in the grass and prayed to God for a kitten. All of a sudden, a kitten dropped from the sky.

The power of God.

No kidding. This was his story.

Apparently the kitten was stuck in a tree down the street and the neighbor who was trying to get it out hitched a rope to the trunk of the tree and used his car to bend it down. The rope broke.. the kitten went flying… and there’s your story.

Don’t get me wrong. I like catching Joel Osteen. His fire and brimstone is more like a lighter and bbq briquette but the important thing is the core message.

This thing though with God giving you what you ask for.. well, I’ll just say that God answers all your prayers. Just sometime the answer is NO.

Which makes sense because HE knows far better then I do about what I need or want.

But I got to thinking earlier this morning about this whole situation with me and Chief and the kids and Weed and what kind of life I have now and how different it is from what it used to be and how much lower the bar is and I started questioning if what we have is real .. or if it’s a case of it is what it is or .. having someone is better then not having anyone and the “starting” over would be way too much trouble… especially now with the store there is no way HE could handle both the house and store on what the store is making and is that reason enough to just put up with me?

I know it seems like I’ve done a ‘Bama Flip Flop regarding my though process to me and Chief’s relationship but yknow, my feeling is if that I question things to this degree maybe I’m not where I’m suppose to be.

I do believe that things happen for a reason that only God knows… and that people are put in your life for a purpose but how do you know it’s right? How do I know that this is where I belong? How do I know that Chief is the person that I’m suppose to be with? How do I know if I’m suppose to leave or stay?

In other words, when do you stop trying to force a square peg in a round hole? Or how do you recognize that that is exactly what you are doing?

This is my twist.

I’m not looking for answers. I’m just using this right now to try and sort things in my head. Alot has been going on the last few days .. things that I may or may not post. It’s difficult try and communicate with someone that shuts down at the mere mention of anything unpleasant… it’s difficult feeling as though your relationship has turned into the same kind of thing that you spent 18 years trying to get out of.. it’s difficult coming to the realization that your relationship is not anything near where you thought it was and it’s damn, damn difficult losing your dream and your hopes.

Rock Of Love – Mindy

Ok.. Rock of Love and Bret Michaels’ tv seasonal quest for true love is my dirty little secret.

Bret himself is like a train wreck. I mean, not for nothing but I can sorta understand the hair extensions for someone who was known for his long flowing locks back in the 80’s.

Hey, we all get older but as much as I think Jon Bon Jovi is a joke :: and don’t believe the hype, a nasty person. That from personal experience mind you :: at least he has come to terms with his age and hair.

I can even ALMOST put up with his eyeliner.. I understand all about television and lights and having to use makeup to avoid being washed out on camera.

But the EYESHADOW? I mean… EYESHADOW. And very NOTICEABLE eyeshadow. Not something to give definition or for the camera.

This was BROWN SHIMMERY EYESHADOW. Like the kind I wear.

I mean.. come on. Really? Say it ain’t so!

Anyway.. so for the finale, Bret had to choose between Mindy and Taya.

Mindy is a home town gal with a rocking body and a little bit of a devil to her… baptized in muddy water if you will.

NOTE: That’s a line from Toby Keith’s “God Love Her”. Love it.

Taya is :: let us not forget after being told a million times :: a Penthouse Pet of the Year, a singer, a stripper :: oops sorry, “feature” dancer :: and to me, the incarnation of Scarlet O’Hara.

Bret picked Taya. Of course. I mean, come on. Did anyone NOT see that coming? But I think Mindy would have been a better choice.

According to Bret, his problem with Mindy is that she would get into funks and wasn’t a very good communicator.

I think he only got the surface and he needs to go back and watch the shows to really find out what was going on.

Come on Ladies.. you all know how it feels to like someone who likes someone else.

Anyway.. I don’t anticipate Bret being with Taya for long. Especially because this is just about the only think Bret has going for him and I’m sure he’ll put out another album by next season!

Sorry, but I’m definately TEAM MINDY on this one!

Prodigal Son

Yesterday Chief tells me that Weed came into the store asking if he could take a shower at the house.

Chief tells him that because of Weed, the doors and windows are now locked and he (Chief) doesn’t have a key.

NOTE: Spaz lost both HIS key and Chief’s so now only Bubba and I have keys

Supposedly :: and I say that because I wasn’t there :: he also asked Weed how he expected to waltz in the store and expect Chief to forgive him for what he put .. and is putting .. us through. He asked him if he went back to school yet.. he asked him if he got a job yet?

According to Weed, he’s been trying. Putting applications around.

NOTE: Funny .. and I said this to Chief .. Zep put an application in at the area mega-convenience store and he got a job right away and Weed and Zep have the same experience when it comes to deli work. The only difference is is that Zep WANTS to work.

Weed asked if Chief wanted to know WHY he needed to take a shower and that the Crack Whore Prima Donna Of The Gutter is being a bitch.

Chief said that he probably trashes her place the same way he trashed ours. Weed apparently got pissed.. said “never mind” and walked out.

I asked Chief if he DID have a key to the house would have have let Weed take a shower.

He said he wouldn’t because he doesn’t trust him anymore.

I’m not sure I believe him. I’m not sure if someone was home he wouldn’t have let him.

I know one thing. I don’t want him in my house. At all. Not to stay, not to visit, not to use the bathroom.

I’ve been mulling this over most of the night and I think it’s going to lead to another blow out with Chief.

There are certain things that are out of his control :: like his son being a theifing junkie drug dealer :: but there are other things that he can’t fix :: like his son being a theifing junkie drug dealer :: no matter how much he wants to.

I’m not sure how much he will forgive but what he has to remember is that he wasn’t the only one affected by Weed’s actions. I was too and I think he forgets that there are alot of things that we aren’t on the same page on.

I may bend.. alot.. but there are some things that I have to stick up for myself on and this is one of them.