The Junkie Delusions

Yknow… you just have to sit back and laugh at the mental genius of junkies. So smart that they have their own stock pile of helmets and crayons on the short bus.

What I find the funniest of all is how they try to convince you that that they’re being truthful and honest and NOW living their life right.

They want you to belive that they are trying oh so hard to be a productive member of society and it isn’t THEIR fault that they got caught doing what they were doing… it isn’t THEIR fault that they even started doing what they were doing.. it isn’t THEIR fault that they had to do prison time.. it isn’t THEIR fault that they don’t have to be responsible for anything because oh, let’s see.. you’ll just get ‘Bama Bucks :: aka: food stamps :: courtesy of the state.

Anyone with even TWO brain cells can see right through that. And even without the personal knowledge, I’ve watched A&E’s Intervention enough to know their midset.

At any rate.. so yesterday when I stopped at the shop after work, Bubba was there and he said that his crack whore mother told him that the reason why she can’t get a job at like WalMart is because they do background checks.. oh, and that she won’t work at like McDonald’s or something.

So before Chief could say anything, I said BULLSHIT really loud. I told him that the reason why she didn’t work is because she didn’t WANT to work and that one of my really good friend was a strung out hard core junkie who was addicted to every chemical you could shoot, swallow or snort … was homeless for nine years and did things to strangers in the back seat of cars that would make hard core molesters blush. She robbed people.. she robbed business’.. she took advantage of everything and everybody AND went to jail for it more then a few times.

BUT…

She went to rehab.. cleaned herself up.. went to school and now works for a company with over 8000 employees and makes a damn good salary.

So it’s bullshit when the Prima Donna of the Gutter plays the “Poor Me” violin that she can’t get a job because of her record. She doesn’t want to … has no desire to.. wants to live the life of getting what she needs from other people.

Like the 1000.00 bail for Weed
Like the 265.00 to stay out of jail for not paying child support.

I don’t get the attraction of getting wasted.. I don’t understand how being completely out of your mind is something that you actively seek to do..

She constanlty says that she doesn’t do any of that anymore… yet she can’t formulate a two word sentence most of the time. She swears that Weed doesn’t deal anymore and yet I had a girl come in the shop who was just out of rehab pleading with Chief to tell Weed not to call her offering pills anymore.

I don’t understand that life style because I never thought I was entitled to anything just because my life was rough.. I never wanted anything that I couldn’t work for and get myself.. I never wanted to be put in that box of being addiction’s bitch.

His Breaking Point

Chief was suppost to get up early this morning so that he could go down to the wholesaler and be back by the time I had to leave for work b ut this morning was cold and rainy and the perfect time for early morning sleepy cuddling.

Remember, I love this man. With all my heart and soul. That’s why what’s been going on has been so devastatingly hard.

I wish we could have stayed that way all day but alas, today was the boys’ first day back to school from spring break so we had to get up.

While I was in the bathroom, Chief went upstairs to wake up Bubba and ALL. HELL. BROKE. LOOSE.

I couldn’t hear exactly what was being said but I knew.. knew.. KNEW it has something to do with the condition of Bubba’s room.. Knew it.

And yknow… I keep telling them I can be a real bitch when I need to be and I had an ace up my sleeve.

While Chief was telling me all about Bubba and how disgusting he is and how he’s grounded or whatever, I went to the linen closet where the school clothes are kept and said “uh-oh”.

Chief asked me what was up and I told him that Bubba didn’t have any school pants.. that the pants that were in there belonged to Spaz.

Chief went off again, “… who’s faults that? You’ve been telling him for two weeks about his clothes.” and it went on and on.

So he goes back upstairs again and tells Bubba that all his clothes better be downstairs and that don’t think that “.. you’re going to her for help. It’s not her problem it’s yours”.

But the best part of the whole situation :: well, depending on your perspective :: is that the sewer backed up in the basement again and with all the rain we’re having there’s water about 3 inches deep all the up to the bottom of the stairs. So even if Bubba WANTED to do his laundry … INTENDED to do his laundry.. he can’t because you can’t get down there without walking through sewer sludge.

Heh.

Earlier this morning Chief called me at work and told me that he thinks it was a mistake that we put cable in the living room and not in their bedrooms. His thought process was that if there wasn’t a tv to watch in the living room they wouldn’t want to stay there. I told him that what we NEED to do is stay in the living room ourselves and watch OUR cable on OUR 50″ flat screen or play OUR playstation and stop acting like we’re the one’s being punished and they run the house.

I also told him about what had happened last night and how upset I was.

He agreed that that’s what we should do. Take back our lives.. take back our home.

We’ll see where this goes… but I’m not expecting much.

My Breaking Point

Last night, I was past the point of breaking. The straw had finally brought the camel to it’s knees.

When I stopped at the shop after work, Bubba was there. Chief had said that Bubba had been a real help to him in the shop and to me, it sounded like what he was really saying was SEE!!! MY SON IS NOT A FUCKED UP SELFISH BASTARD!!

But to me? You don’t get props for doing what your supposed to do so I was unmoved.

It was right after 6pm when Spaz showed up complaining that he was STAAAAAAARVING. Mind you, this kid sat in the house all day probably playing video games and eating Easter candy.

Chief told them both that they couldn’t stay at the shop. He’s told them time and time again that they couldn’t hang there after 6 because he needed to clean and mop and they just get in the way.

Spaz grabbed something to eat and left but Bubba was still hanging around. Chief told him that he HAD. TO. GO. and Bubba response was that he didn’t want to go home because there was nothing to do there.

NOTE: Awww… Poor Baby

So Chief was like … Find, you can help me take out the trash.

Trash pick-up is Tuesdays and Fridays. There was no trash pick up on Good Friday so there was double the amount of trash and boxes that needed to be carried through the shop since the yard is completely enclosed with no exit. The shop generates alot of trash anyway but on top of that, it’s been pouring steadily for the last few days so it was a messy, disgusting job.

I was sitting out of the way in the kitchen playing COD5.. Bubba was in the front of the shop and Chief had grabbed a few bags of trash.

I heard him give the bags to Bubba and tell him to take them outside so I thought Bubba was helping him.

It finally dawned on me that I didn’t hear anything but Chief so I asked him if Bubba was helping him. He dropped the bag he was carrying on the floor and said.. No. The lazy bastard left. I asked him if he wanted me to help and he said he would appreciate it so I did. I told him that I thought Bubba was still around and he stared a tirade about how lazy he is, etc.

We picked up pizza for dinner and when we got home, I lost my appetite.

Apparently, Bubba had left his Easter bag on the floor next to the couch and the puppy got all into it. And Bubba left the majority of it all over the floor… Easter grass, candy wrappers, balls of little foil… What he DID pick up he tried picking up with the vacuum and so now… yet another vacuum is broke because the idiot just didn’t notice that nothing was getting sucked into the CLEAR CONTAINER right? .. There was crap all over the dining room table.. a million glasses in the sink.. crap all over the counters in the kitchen..

Mind you.. I cleaned everything Sunday night. It took them less then 20 hours later!

I told Chief that I was just going into the bedroom.. that I couldn’t be out there. He went out to get pizza and came back in the bedroom while I had my head buried so deep in my laptop that there’s F G H J K L imprinted on my forehead.

He didn’t say anything to me and I didn’t say anything to him. At 10pm, I said… Are you going to tell them to go to bed? It’s 10.

So he gets up and go out to the living room and even though I can hear them complaining and Chief hollaring, I couldn’t hear exact words.

He comes back in and not 3 minutes goes by when Bubba knocked on the door asking if I had bought the Puffs with Lotion tissues he asked for earlier.

I told him I forgot and would have left it at that had the dogs not needed dry food and Chief and I cigarettes.

So I leave the bedroom but when I get out into the living room it looks worse then it did before… pillows hanging half off the couch.. blankets all over the floor.. curtains moved.. stuffed animal stuffing all over.. MORE candy wrappers.

I tell Bubba that he needs to straighten up before I come back from the store. He said fine.

I come back from the store and Bubba is wrapped up like a burrito in a sheet on the couch… with nothing touched.

Right then, it felt like a cannon ball slammed into my gut.

He takes the tissues and goes up to his room. No thank you. No nothing.

And I set about cleaning and straightening.. again.. but this time I couldn’t hold the tears back.. I couldn’t hold the sobs.. I usually scream in silence but not this time.

Not that it mattered.. because everybody was sleeping. Chief included.

The frustration was what made me write the SECRETS post last night.

I couldn’t lay next to him in bed.. didn’t want to hear him snoring.. didn’t want to be anywhere near him so I went into my organized living room and enjoyed my 52″ tv until 1:30 this morning.

I intended on sleeping out there but I needed to stretch out so I went into the bedroom. Chief was still snoring away and didn’t wake up when I got into bed.
He was on one side, I was on the other..
and that’s the way it stayed.