Archive for April 10, 2009

.. yknow, it’s hard when you live with kids that aren’t yours. Especially when they are old enough to have had already formed their habits and personalities.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog then you know all the problems that I have with Chief’s kids.

If you’re NOT a regular reader, then make a pot of coffee and click on the BUBBA or SPAZ or WEED categories and then send me an email saying WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU POOR DELUDED WOMAN???

For the past 17 months, I’ve been putting up with their laziness.. their slobbery.. their lack of hygiene.. their bedroom that even OSEA wouldn’t go near.

I’ve put up with their lack or respect, their lies, their manipulations..

Seeing it in print makes me shake my head and wonder what the fuck I WAS thinking when I took all this on.

Everyday there is something new :: or not so new :: that they do that annoy me or aggravates me or pisses me off…

Last weekend, I told Bubba to make sure his dirty school clothes were in the laundry hamper so I could wash them. Did he? No. So last Monday he’s bitching and complaining that he’s going to have to wear dirty school clothes.

Oh well.

Lesson learned?

Nope.. because all last week AND all this week, his school clothes are still up in the disgusting pit of a room .. balled up and dirty.

At 14, he’s been told enough about putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. His problem isn’t that he doesn’t listen.. that he doesn’t comprehend.. it’s that he just doesn’t care.

And Chief.. well.. he doesn’t help. At all.

On Tuesday, Bubba asked Chief if he could have friend’s sleep over on Friday (tonight). Chief told him that he’d have to check with me. Right away, Bubba put on the Eyore-Face.

You know Eyore, right? From Winnie The Pooh? Oh Pooh.. I lost me tail?

Whenever Bubba doesn’t get his way he acts like the universe is coming to an end.

So when Chief told him that he’d check with me, Bubba said, “She’s going to say no”

According to Chief, he told Bubba that everytime I ask him to do something, Bubba dicks me over and if he wanted to have friends over he needed to clean his room and keep the house straight.

I know his room isn’t clean… in fact, his damn light has been on since Monday. I refuse to turn it off because I’m waiting for the bulb to burn out.. and then see if I give him another light bulb.

This week, he’s  barely been home. Barely SLEPT at home.

Tuesday night, around 9:30, he asked if he could use his cellphone to call the Prima Donna of the Gutter ( his crack-whore mother ) to see if he could sleep over there. I’m assuming she said yes because he wanted either me or Chief to drive him the FOUR BLOCKS to her apartment.

Chief said “no” and Bubba copped an attitude and walked out.

Thursday, he was suppose to help me at the store but was a no-show. Chief got pissed off about it and told me NOT to say anything to Bubba because he’ll just think I’m being a bitch.. that he was going to say something to him.

When I left the shop and came home, I asked Spaz where Bubba was and he said that he hadn’t been home all day. I asked him what time he left and he said that he had slept over a friends.

That kind of didn’t make sense because I heard him come in the house the night before and eat the dinner that was left for him. That meant the he left AGAIN? And nobody knew?

So I called Chief and asked him about it and he said that Bubba had been at the store earlier and that he HAD been home because he took a shower. I had been in the bathroom earlier and  Bubba had NOT taken a shower because it was the same way I had left it that morning. Chief said that his hair was wet so he must have taken one at the Crack Whore’s.

I don’t know if he said anything to Bubba about not showing up at the shop or not.. he didn’t say and I didn’t ask because it’s becoming clearer and clearer that yknow.. I’m on the outside here.

When Chief came home he asked me how I knew Bubba didn’t take a shower here and I told him. I asked him if he had on different clothes.

He stared at me blankly and I said, “.. you didn’t notice”

Then he said:

I’m such a bad father

I didn’t argue, I just returned to what  I was doing and he walked away.

A little while later, we were in the bedroom and when it got to be an hour past Bubba’s curfew, I asked Chief if Bubba had said he was sleeping out. He said, “I guess he is… nice of him to call”

And that was that.

Tonight after the shop was closed, he was making clubs for dinner and I heard him say “OH FUCK”. I asked him what the deal was and he brought up about Bubba having friend’s over and he should just order a pizza.

I jumped in and said, “.. IF he cleaned his room.”

Chief didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then he said, “Well, we’ll check when we get home if he didn’t….”

“You don’t have to check” I said, cutting him off. “It’s not clean”

I walked away then.. because I didn’t want to get into it.. yet again.

But I got to thinking that yknow.. I’ve tried everything with these kids.. I tried every way possible to get through with them.. to make this motley crew into a family and it seems like I’m the only one trying to hold the shit together.

Chief goes on about his life and it’s as if his kids are an after thought… they ignore everything he tells them but he doesn’t follow through with anything.

I can’t make excuses for him anymore…

NOTE: It’s 10:47 and Bubba just walked in. I asked him what he was doing here and he asked me what I meant. I said that it’s almost 11 o’clock and I assumed he was sleeping out and he said no. Then he said that they.. whoever “they” are.. went to the movies and they just got back. He also said something about “they were going to sleep over but..” and he trailed off mumbling like ususal so I don’t know exactly what he said. I’m not saying anything about that. Not then. Not now. Not ever.  Then he asked if we had anything for dinner. I told him we had and that I was going back to my room.

Did Chief know he went to the movies? Who did he go with? How did he get there? Should I have known this?

All I know is that this reinforces my feeling that I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t raise his kids without him raising them with me. I can’t keep track of everything all the time.. I’m too damn good a woman… too selfless a woman.. to be treated this way.

I deserve much much better and unfortunately, the only ones I can tell this too.. the only ones I can be this brutally honest to is the people that read this blog.

I can’t tell Chief that I’m starting to feel distant.. that I’m starting not to care.. that I’m starting to just worry about myself and not them anymore.