… yknow, there are somethings that go beyond the normal kid stuff. I know I bitch and complain about how the boys are pigs and laziness and don’t do thier homework or clean their rooms and stuff like that but the fact that their problem stems from deeper issues doesn’t get past me.
I realize that there is only so much I can do. I can’t fix what’s broken. All the love and guidance and support in world isn’t going to help them comes to terms with the fact that they have a crack whore for a mother … a junkie dealer for a brother.. a recovering alcoholic for a father and everything else in between.
They’ve experienced way too much for any kid to develope normally and the scars they hold are so deep seated that I really don’t think that any amount of therapy would cure them.
And even though Spaz is the youngest.. he’s been affected the most.
He constantly craves attention .. and it’s usually in a bad way… he constantly talks. Talk.. talks.. talks.. the most random bullshit.. going from one subject to the next in one long sentence that doesn’t take long to become like nails on a blackboard. He lies.. makes up friends and stories.. always put himself in converstations that he doesn’t belong in.. takes everything personally and goes from one extreme to the other emotionally that it’s hard to keep up.
It’s daunting .. it’s exhausting.. and for Chief, it’s the match that lights his short fuse.
Today should have been a good day. His church held it’s annual Pine Car Derby and he came in first.. got an award.. had his picture taken.
When I picked him up, we came back to the house. Bubba was working at the shop with Chief so it was just the two of us. He was fine. His emotion was fine. And then Chief came home and the first thing out of Spaz’s mouth to Chief was I’MMMMMMMMMM HUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNGGGRRRRRRRRYYY.
Mind you, he had just eaten a sandwich less then an hour before..
The words hadn’t even hit the air yet when he saw the PS3 controller and how Chief shouldn’t let Bubba use it.
I heard Chief give him a dressing down but don’t know exactly what he said.. only that he had just walked in the #$%^&* door.
I told Chief that I told Spaz that we would order a movie tonight that we would watch as a family and he was into that.
We ordered food and once it arrived, we scanned through the On Demand movies for something to watch. Spaz wanted to watch something completely inappropriate for his age and when we told him no, he went into his whole persecussion routine about how he never gets to watch anything good.
I could see the vein popping out of Chief’s head but he walked into the dining room and started to unwrap dinner.
He told Spaz to come into the living room and eat and again, Spaz started whining and bitching because he couldn’t eat in the living room. We told him that we wouldn’t start the movie until we were done but that wasn’t good enough.
He pouted .. got annoyed.. and said he wasn’t hungry.
That’s when I went off and told him that he had tormented his father about being hungry when he walked in from work.. even though he had just had a sandwich and if he wasn’t going to eat his dinner then I would give it to the dogs and he could go to bed.
He came to the table and started eating.
One of the orders were chicken fingers and when he saw the container, he asked what it was. I told him and went on eating saying that they were really good because they were made fresh. Chief took one and commented on how good they were and then Spaz said something about :: I don’t exactly remember what :: about it being fish.
Chief looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Spaz, it’s chicken. She just told you it was chicken”
And Spaz got an attitude and said some smart ass remark about how he doesn’t know what all food is and Chief lost it. He told him how he was sick and tired of his mouth.. how he’s sick and tired of his whining and bitching and his attitude.
Spaz got up from the table and went back to the living room. Chief made a motion like he was going to choke Spaz and I just shrugged my shoulders.
We watched the movie, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist and everything was fine until about 9:30 when Spaz started nodding off.
I told him he needed to go to bed and he started fussing again.
It was then that all hell broke loose.
During the week, Spaz had asked his uncle :: Sarge, Chief’s brother :: if he could sleep over there tonight. His uncle said he could and that was that. I remembered but I didn’t bring it up because if something had changed and Spaz couldn’t stay there then I didn’t want the kid to be disappointed.
After I told him to go to bed, Spaz said that he was suppose to sleep over his uncle’s. I told him that he hadn’t called and then Chief made an “OH NO” noise. I looked at him and said, “He called?”
Chief went on to explain that he did hear from his brother but it was right in the middle of the store being swamped and he couldn’t talk to him and forgot to call him back.
Spaz immediately went off… acting like you just amputated his leg or something.. and then Chief went off.. Big time.. the last straw was broken and Chief ended his tirade by saying, “… I don’t even want to be around you. That’s why I come home and go right in the bed room”.. then he stormed out of the room.. went into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
Now I was pissed off because I know how deep Spaz has to get under his skin for him to say something like that. I said to Spaz that he was unbelievable. That he’s never satisfied.. give him an inch and he takes a yard.. all his father does is work to make a better life for him and his brother and they both use and abuse him and treat him like shit.
He got up off the couch and said that he was going to go into his bedroom so that Chief can come out and watch tv in the living room.
I went into the bedroom to see Chief. He said he felt guilty for saying what he said but sometimes he thinks that Spaz needs to hear it to snap him out of the way he acts.
It’s a tough situation.. I know deep down that Chief is at a loss as wishes things were not the way there were and his kids were not the way they were.
It should have been a good day.. it really should have..
LIVING ME 101 