Archive for April 5, 2009

… yknow, there are somethings that go beyond the normal kid stuff. I know I bitch and complain about how the boys are pigs and laziness and don’t do thier homework or clean their rooms and stuff like that but the fact that their problem stems from deeper issues doesn’t get past me.

I realize that there is only so much I can do. I can’t fix what’s broken. All the love and guidance and support in world isn’t going to help them comes to terms with the fact that they have a crack whore for a mother … a junkie dealer for a brother.. a recovering alcoholic for a father and everything else in between.

They’ve experienced way too much for any kid to develope normally and the scars they hold are so deep seated that I really don’t think that any amount of therapy would cure them.

And even though Spaz is the youngest.. he’s been affected the most.

He constantly craves attention .. and it’s usually in a bad way… he constantly talks. Talk.. talks.. talks.. the most random bullshit.. going from one subject to the next in one long sentence that doesn’t take long to become like nails on a blackboard. He lies.. makes up friends and stories.. always put himself in converstations that he doesn’t belong in.. takes everything personally and goes from one extreme to the other emotionally that it’s hard to keep up.

It’s daunting .. it’s exhausting.. and for Chief, it’s the match that lights his short fuse.

Today should have been a good day. His church held it’s annual Pine Car Derby and he came in first.. got an award.. had his picture taken.

When I picked him up, we came back to the house. Bubba was working at the shop with Chief so it was just the two of us. He was fine. His emotion was fine. And then Chief came home and the first thing out of Spaz’s mouth to Chief was I’MMMMMMMMMM HUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNGGGRRRRRRRRYYY.

Mind you, he had just eaten a sandwich less then an hour before..

The words hadn’t even hit the air yet when he saw the PS3 controller and how Chief shouldn’t let Bubba use it.

I heard Chief give him a dressing down but don’t know exactly what he said.. only that he had just walked in the #$%^&* door.

I told Chief that I told Spaz that we would order a movie tonight that we would watch as a family and he was into that.

We ordered food and once it arrived, we scanned through the On Demand movies for something to watch. Spaz wanted to watch something completely inappropriate for his age and when we told him no, he went into his whole persecussion routine about how he never gets to watch anything good.

I could see the vein popping out of Chief’s head but he walked into the dining room and started to unwrap dinner.

He told Spaz to come into the living room and eat and again, Spaz started whining and bitching because he couldn’t eat in the living room. We told him that we wouldn’t start the movie until we were done but that wasn’t good enough.

He pouted .. got annoyed.. and said he wasn’t hungry.

That’s when I went off and told him that he had tormented his father about being hungry when he walked in from work.. even though he had just had a sandwich and if he wasn’t going to eat his dinner then I would give it to the dogs and he could go to bed.

He came to the table and started eating.

One of the orders were chicken fingers and when he saw the container, he asked what it was. I told him and went on eating saying that they were really good because they were made fresh. Chief took one and commented on how good they were and then Spaz said something about :: I don’t exactly remember what :: about it being fish.

Chief looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Spaz, it’s chicken. She just told you it was chicken”

And Spaz got an attitude and said some smart ass remark about how he doesn’t know what all food is and Chief lost it. He told him how he was sick and tired of his mouth.. how he’s sick and tired of his whining and bitching and his attitude.

Spaz got up from the table and went back to the living room. Chief made a motion like he was going to choke Spaz and I just shrugged my shoulders.

We watched the movie, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist and everything was fine until about 9:30 when Spaz started nodding off.

I told him he needed to go to bed and he started fussing again.

It was then that all hell broke loose.

During the week, Spaz had asked his uncle :: Sarge, Chief’s brother :: if he could sleep over there tonight. His uncle said he could and that was that. I remembered but I didn’t bring it up because if something had changed and Spaz couldn’t stay there then I didn’t want the kid to be disappointed.

After I told him to go to bed, Spaz said that he was suppose to sleep over his uncle’s. I told him that he hadn’t called and then Chief made an “OH NO” noise. I looked at him and said, “He called?”

Chief went on to explain that he did hear from his brother but it was right in the middle of the store being swamped and he couldn’t talk to him and forgot to call him back.

Spaz immediately went off… acting like you just amputated his leg or something.. and then Chief went off.. Big time.. the last straw was broken and Chief ended his tirade by saying, “… I don’t even want to be around you. That’s why I come home and go right in the bed room”.. then he stormed out of the room.. went into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Now I was pissed off because I know how deep Spaz has to get under his skin for him to say something like that. I said to Spaz that he was unbelievable. That he’s never satisfied.. give him an inch and he takes a yard.. all his father does is work to make a better life for him and his brother and they both use and abuse him and treat him like shit.

He got up off the couch and said that he was going to go into his bedroom so that Chief can come out and watch tv in the living room.

I went into the bedroom to see Chief. He said he felt guilty for saying what he said but sometimes he thinks that Spaz needs to hear it to snap him out of the way he acts.

It’s a tough situation.. I know deep down that Chief is at a loss as wishes things were not the way there were and his kids were not the way they were.

It should have been a good day.. it really should have..

When I got home Friday night, I pulled up on the side of the house and could see the internet on the tv.

I figured that Chief had brought home the PS3 controller from the store since I wasn’t going to be home and he would want to relax and play a few rounds of Call of Duty 5 online.

I also figured that.. given the time of night .. Chief was NOT the one using the PS3.. Bubba was.

So I walked in the door and sure enough, Bubba was spread out on the chair.. controller in hand.. candy wrappers on the arm of the chair.. stuffed animal guts all over floor.. empty juice bottle on the window sill.. dining room table a mess.. the dog had gotten into the trash.. dishes piled in the sink.. the usual.

.. and I got pissed out. As usual.

I can’t go to sleep knowing that the house I live in is a mess.. I also don’t mind cleaning.. I mind that they live like pigs and think it’s perfectly fine and that if I want it clean then I can clean it.

So I went around obnoxiously cleaning up and the more Bubba ignored what I was doing and how pissed I was.. the more pissed off I got.

Around 1130 I told him to go to bed. He was like “Whyyyyyy?” and I told him, bluntly, that I said so.

He ignored me, of course, and I told him again.

Again he asked me WHYYYYYY and this time I lost it on him. I told him that he wasn’t going to stay up all night playing … he wasn’t going to fall asleep on the couch.. that if I have to come home and clean up a mess that I didn’t make.. that he just surrounds himself with and thinks that’s okay then he’s not going to get what he wants.

It’s simple… I don’t get what I want.. He doesn’t get what he wants.

He’s also been wearing the same t-shirt for 4 days and stinks worse then garbage.

He did go upstairs and I took the controller into the bedroom in case he thought he was going to be a smart ass and come back down after I went to bed.

Chief woke up as I got into bed and I really couldn’t look at him. He was home too and I’m sorry if he is exhausted when he gets done work but yknow what? So am I and I just feel that he has the responsibility to keep after them too.

But then, he’s just as much of a slob so what did I really expect?

… so Friday night, my cousin DeeDee had asked me if I would help her and her baby-daddy move their stuff from their House of Drama to a storage unit.

Apparently, her baby-daddy :: and his two young children, one who is autistic :: was being thrown out by his mother.

NOTE: Not that I’m going to explain all this but when DeeDee moved in with her baby-daddy, she took out a loan to build an addition on his mother’s house. DeeDee and the mother’s name is on the deed. When all the drama started and DeeDee moved out, the baby-daddy suddently grew a pair and stood up to his mother and since he had no legal rights to be there, she tossed him out.

Baby-Daddy found a place to rent but they can’t move in until next week so all their stuff had to come out and be put in storage.

I didn’t mind helping them out.. considering what’s been going on with me and Chief, I figured a night away would do me some good. And it did. Kind of.

There was alot of stuff to move… millions of clothes to be packed.. funiture to take apart and haul out… and nothing organized.

Considering that I’ve been accused of being anally-organized, I was close to convulsing … add to the fact that it was FREEZING and my right knee is acting up WAY to much to be normal I started to wonder if my night away from Chief should have included a good book and coffee at Borders!!!

The house is about 45 minutes from where I live. Around 10:30, DeeDee drove me back to where my car was parked and then made the drive back to continue the haul.

On the ride home, hearing what was going on in her life and telling her what was going on in mine I started thinking.. HOW THE HELL DID WE WIND UP HERE??

Both Chief and Baby-Daddy are alot alike in the ways they parent their children and the living conditions they ignore. Fundamentally different from me and DeeDee and I wondered how long each of our relationships were really going to last.

She’s more vocal then I am.. I pick and choose my battles while she’s a pit ball. Both Chief and Baby-Daddy are so laid back they could fall over.

Which is the right way.. which is the wrong?

It’s a toss up..

The best part about the night was meeting Baby-Daddy’s cousin and his wife who is a foul-mouthed hillbilly.

I love her!!

I do hope that everything works out for them… my feelings about him and about them and the decisions that she’s made are my own. It’s her life and only she can live it.