Archive for November, 2008

Masturbating Your Madness

Posted: November 29, 2008 in Just Me, Videos
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… before I fell utterly and completely in love with Chief, I was semi-dating a guy named Darryl.

Darryl was cool enough.. he was actually someone I kinda knew from childhood that I re-connected with. On the surface, he seemed like everything I was looking for. Handsome, quirky-funny, lived in a great house, had a great job but it was one of those kinds of things were I didn’t feel like he let me “in”… and then there was Chief and the choice.. well, there was no choice really.

God made Chief.. God made me.. and then said these two shall be.

Yea.. I’m in major girly-cheesy mode today.

At any rate.. one of the best things that Darryl ever did for me was turn me on to a band called The Chameleons. They have a song called “Mad Jack” and one of the best lines that I ever heard MASTURBATE THE MADNESS IN YOU.

Love that line.

Happen to find a video of the song on YouTube :: yep, have absolutely nothing else to do while I’m doing laundry :: so enjoy.

Hope you like it as much as I do

Love, Actually

Posted: November 29, 2008 in Just Me, Videos
Tags: , ,

… just proving that the best gifts are never about the price tag.

ADVISORY: If you never saw the movie, be prepared for some SERIOUS cheese!

Ernie: The Pillow Rapist

Posted: November 29, 2008 in Pets
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What to you get when you put one 11 month old Jack Russell Terrior Mix with 6 over stuffed bed pillows?

Stuffing.

Lotsa Lotsa Lotsa stuffing!

Ernie, the asforementioned Jack Russell, discovered the joys :: his :: of molesting our pillows. Will admit that it’s funny to watch especially when he just can’t get the pillow in… just… that.. RIGHT… spot and he barks at it… then whines to it… then cries about it…

Ernie is a very vocal dog.

The problem comes when he gets frustrated and tears the crap out of them leaving stuffing all over the bedroom floor leaving us with three remaining pillows that are basically flatter then a mattress in a Thai prison.

Chief wants to get Ernie an over-sized stuffed animal for his humping pleasure. He thinks it’ll be funny.

<< cut eyes to the vacuum cleaner >> Me? Not so much!

Last night in a moment of relatively calm, Bubba tells me that he doesn’t want ANYTHING else for Christmas but a laptop.

Now, Chief’s rule for the kids is that they can’t have computers in their room until their 16. I have issue with that theory. Personally I think they’ll get into MORE trouble past 16 but then again, Bubba will sell himself for an orange soda and Spazz can’t read worth a lick and his spelling is worse. But.. that’s his rule so yknow.

Another thing is that Spazz also wants a laptop. The competition between these two well surpasses sibling rivalry and eventually Spazz is going to kill Bubba for something minor like eating the last pork chop. Bubba will probably deserve it though. There’s a lot of pent up anger is Spazz and he’s just a coiled spring that Bubba keeps fucking with.

Yet another issue is our finances. Because of the shop, we’re not going to be rolling in the benjamen’s this year. Well, we weren’t last year but at least Chief had some semblance of a paycheck then.

The biggest thing though is that Bubba is not mature enough to have one. I don’t trust him not to leave it around where someone can step on it or the dog can chew / piss on it. We go through this already with the PSP. He loses it or leaves it thrown around all the time.

We do plan to replace their shared computer. They broke it a few months ago and because the computer desk in the dining room is small and because each kid has a different primary hand I thought that getting a laptop would meet everyone’s criteria. The kids would have a computer and I wouldn’t have to look at an old 17″ moniter crammed onto the desk with no place on either side for a mouse.

Lest we forget that I know these kids better then they think so also in the plan was removing the battery and mounting it to the desk so they couldn’t lose it like they lost the cordless phone.

So I tell Bubba that I was going to be straight up with him.¬† At a few months shy of 14, he’s old enough to learn that you can’t always get what you want at Christmas. I tell him he’s not getting a laptop because I can’t in good conscience get one for him and not one for Spazz. May not be fair… may suck ass… but our job as parents was to make sure everyone has a good Christmas. And even if I did trust them enough to take care of it, we just didn’t have the money for two.

He started to hem and haw and do his Eyore thing :: Oh Pooh, I lost my tail :: so I told him that I had an idea. If his crack whore mother bought one for him, there really isn’t anything we could say about it.

Cheap shot, I know.. but I take them when I can get them.

He said that wasn’t going to happen because she doesn’t have any money.

I asked him what made him think we did? Yes our income is alot higher then hers but our bills are alot higher then hers too. She just has to worry about rent and a drug addiction, we have to worry about rent, utilities, gas, car stuff all the while supporting 3 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat and a whole lot of fish.

He started going on and on about how all his friends are getting laptops :: which I doubt because all his friend’s families are in worse financial straights then we are :: and how that was all he wanted. I tell him it wasn’t about what he WANTED but what he GOT and that he’s blowing the whole concept of Christmas’ real meaning.

He didn’t care and didn’t care about Spazz.

I asked him how he would feel if we got Spazz a laptop and not him. He tried to lawyer around it but by this time I was tired of discussing the whole thing. Chief, with his impecable timing, happen to come out of the bedroom and flat out told him to forget about it.

End of conversation.

But I started thinking how easy it is for parent’s with kids who believe in Santa. Write a list. Sit on the old’s guys lap, leave some cookies and if they don’t get what they want well I guess the man in red is still holding the time you tossed a roll of toilet paper into the toilet against you.

Simple.

Wanna Annoy Me?

Posted: November 29, 2008 in Annoy Me
Tags: ,

Fight over the PS3 at 6:44AM