Archive for November 14, 2008

Last night, after coming home from the funeral, Chief and I went to the shop to close. Weed and our hired worker TL had worked since roughly 830am and it was closing on 6pm by the time we got back.

So we get there, they leave and everythings just ripe peachy until the phone rings. It’s Weed wanting to talk to his dad. Chief gets on the phone and at some point says YOU’RE KIDDING then HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I ask Chief if Weed was in jail.. he shakes his head “no” so I head into the back to use the bathroom.

Chief comes back and tells me that Weed thinks that Bubba stole 150.00 from him. I said, “Yea, I can see that”. Chief says he could too and leaves the shop to see if he can find Bubba.

He doesn’t but alittle while after he returns to the shop, Bubba calls him :: apparently asking to stay out later or sleep at a friends because I heard Chief say NO ITS A SCHOOL NIGHT ::

He tells him to stay at the house and because he needed to talk to him about something and then he leaves the shop again.

Ho-hum…

He returns alittle bit later saying that Bubba didn’t take the money .. his pockets were empty and he had spent the afternoon at his Crack Head mothers. Weed said that he couldn’t prove he took it but was only surmizing that he did because he was the only one around who could.

Chief started in on Weed about the company that he keeps and if he thinks that this person in his room or that person in his room :: actually, he’s not suppose to have ANYONE in his room :: would just as quickly take it from him since they’re all theiving junkies.

Apparently, Weed is making enough money to not really miss losing 150.00 but that’s a whole other issue for a whole other time.

Chief also tells me that Bubba said that Cheif never believes anything he says. Cheif’s response was that he always lies to his face.. about doing homework.. about his progress report… yada yada yada

Thing is? Chief didn’t DO anything about it. I was waiting for him to say that Bubba was punished or whatever but nope. Nothing.

And so I tell Chief that even though Bubba didn’t take the money this time.. he has taken other things.. has gone into our room and took things .. In fact, I didn’t trust any of them because all three wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked them in the face.

He does his whole defensive things of throwing up his hands and says, “What am I suppose to do? I work… you work.. no 13 year old is going to follow the honor system….”

I look at him like he’s fucking nuts because to ME it sounded like he was casting out his lot and hoping for the best. That pissed me off. To me, that’s giving up and the LAST thing these kids need is to be given up on.. they already think they have been already.

So I repeated what he said with an “oh, okay” face on and he said something :: can’t remember what :: just as a customer came into the shop. I walk into the back to fill her order and he said something about the kids and I said, “Yknow.. I’m not going to talk about this.”

He comes back to the kitchen and I basically tell him that he told me the other night that I’m around the kids more then the crack whore is.. that I interact with them more then the crack whore does.. and whether I wanted it or not I was a parent EXCEPT when things aren’t going so good then he just gets defensive so why should I even bother?

He said that he couldn’t believe what I had said. I was like, ARE WE EVEN HAVING THE SAME CONVERSATION?… I kept asking him what I said because what I HEARD HIM SAY was that he was writing Bubba off. He said, “They’re my kids. What do you want me to say?: I can;’t believe what YOU said”

I’m not going to bore you with the back and forth of it all.. it was boring while it was happening .. but the bottom line is that I told him that I have never once said he was a bad father … never one blamed him how the boys are.. and what he keeps doing is automatically assuming he knows what I’m going to say because that’s all he’s used to hearing.

Hey, 10 million Chinamen, yknow?

So he did what he’s good at doing.. changes the subject. I just shut down. When I’m aggrevated or hurt or mad or upset, I just get quiet. Don’t even fucking look at me then, let alone try and talk to me.

He feels it.. I know he does.. he says, “You know I love you, right?”

I say, “Yep. But I don’t think you were ready for me” and walked back into the kitchen of the shop.

I’ll explain more about that remark later

it was left at that because apparently nothing in our lives together is ever resolved and we went home and I went right to sleep.

This morning I wake up Spazz and started to yell up the stairs to wake up Bubba when Spazz says that Bubba isn’t home. He spent the night at his crack whore mother’s.

Didn’t know that.

ALSO didn’t know that he wasn’t going to school today because he had a field trip and since he didn’t tell anyone and it was too late to pay for the trip Chief let him stay home.

Am I missing something here? If it was me, I would have sent him to school even if he had to sit with the 1st graders because if you’re going to pull a stunt like that then I’m not falling for it.

But no.

So right now, I don’t know what to do. I can’t have a relationship with Chief because we have fundamental disagreements on how to raise kids but I love him with all my heart so that makes it hard.

I’m actually thinking about leaving after the holidays. By that time maybe I’ll be so fucking fed up with all of them that it won’t break my heart so much to leave.

Yesterday me and Chief attended the funeral of my 60 year old Uncle who after being diagnosed and operated on for stomache cancer, died of heart failure after a 25 year old girl T-Boned his car on the way home from a follow-up visit to his doctor.

There’s some question whether the girl was text messaging or not but that’s to be revealed later I guess.

At any rate.. yesterday in my part of the world the weather was miserable. Cold, windy and downpour rain all day.¬† That doesn’t make for a very pleaseant 1.5 hour drive to the church but yknow.. it was just me and Chief and regardless of whatever else is going on with the kids or house or shop it was good to just be together with no pressure from anything.

Chief is a simple ass who says the most randomly bizarre things that just make me turn purple and have to hold my pee in! Also, he isn’t Catholic. Well, I’m not really either any more but after attending about a million services in my youth I can still keep up with what’s going on.. yknow.. stand in the right places, kneel in the right places.. that kind of thing. At any rate, he’s Pentecostal which came with all sorts of preconceived opinions but I did go to an Assembly of God service and no, they didn’t slaughter baby animals midway through :: contrary to what my mom believes!! ::

Anyway.. so we get there late, of course :: because he started helping Weed do stuff in the shop :: but there were so many people waiting to view the coffin and see the family that the Mass, which should have started at 12 started at around 2. The funeral director guys were NOT happy campers.

I tend to get emotional at funerals. And it isn’t so much that I miss the person who died… I’m just no good at witnessing other people’s sadness and seeing someone cry usually makes me cry. Plus, church songs alway s do me in.

Chief knows this about me not wanting to see me upset he just made me laugh instead. And when I mean laugh.. I mean LAUGH. So hard that by covering my mouth and bobbing up and down my aunt asked me if I needed a tissue and my brother felt bad for me because he thought I was taking my uncles death WAY more then he thought I would since I really didn’t care for him too much.

He said things like:

LORD, GROW MY HAIR

instead of

LORD, HEAR OUR PRAYER

There was also the whole thing about the “floaty”. That being a bit of communion wafer that was stuck to the inside of the clear wine glass that people sipped from. I actually did almost pee myself then.

Once the service was completed, we all lined up for the drive to the cemetary which was another 45 minutes of gut splitting laughter because the procession kept on being split and I was following my cousin who didn’t know where he was going either. Still don’t know how it happened but we went through a few back alley’s and wound up where we needed to be.

And of course, our simple asses didn’t even THINK to take an umbrella on a day with torential down pours and since we were late getting to the cementary, we had to stand outside of the tent getting wet.. all the while my mother is UNDER the tent holding a folded umbrella watching us get soaked.

Fun Stuff

Then it was back to the church for the luncheon where Chief got to meet and spend time with my extended family. In an ironic world, he actually knew one of my second cousins who was a die hard customer at the restaurant he used to run and I also took the opportunity to point out my OTHER second cousin that had the massive boob job.

Chief being a breast man anyway wanted to clobber me because he hadn’t actually met her yet and he was worried about not being able to look above her chest. What I didn’t tell him is that my cousin is a “hugger” so he got to feel the boobs first hand.

His turn to turn purple!

We didn’t get home until about 5 hours later then we actually intended but it was a good day. It was great just spending time together and being silly.

But then… it was back to reality.