#$%&*(

OKAY…

SO…

YKNOW!!!!!!!

MAN!! I just really need to throw something right now! Where the HELL is the stress ball when you need one!!

So.. okay…

Alittle while ago.. after I got done all my rantings and ravings, I was going to hop into the shower and do the girly thing to get ready for work tomorrow.

It dawns on me that I can’t actually take a shower with my mother’s company still sucking down coffee and cannollis :: well, I COULD be there’s only one bathroom in the house and SO didn’t want to go there :: so I figured I may as well go stock up on cigarettes and gas.

Now.. it’s always an adventure driving around the ghetto at night. Especially a hot, humid night when the Phils lost their 10,000th game but a gal gotta do what a gal gotta do. Since I normally get gas to or from work, it also dawns on me :: there’s alotta “dawnin'” going on isn’t there! :: that even though there’s a Asian nail salon on every corner… and Indian grocery store on every OTHER corner.. gas stations are few and far between.

Also realize that I don’t have any actual cash on me. That’s not really that unusual. My debit card is my best friend but in situation like this.. it’s better just having the paper on you.

So I drive over to the closests banks ATM :: which happens to be my bank :: pull out a $20… do some creative driving across the parking lot to get to the all night pharmacy… side stepped the no-legged dude near the entrance jingling his Dixie cup outside… patiently :: but no so patiently :: waited for the yuppie couple to grill the cashier about which was the better digital thermometer :: OH the visuals I could have had!! :: and then contended with the Vietnamese dude buying up about 20 cases of soda that was on sale:: that you KNOW he’s going to sell at full price in his corner grocery store :: bitching about why there was a limit to how many he could buy.

By the time I got to the cashier and only asked for a pack of Marlboro Lights box.. AND had cash.. I think she was just about to offer me her first born.. or seventh :: she looked like that kinda gal! ::

So I get out of there. I got a reprieve from the no-legged dude because some ass was actually arguing with him so I was able to scoot by unnoticed.

Now the real dilemna was… do I travel the extra 5 miles to get gas that’s about 3 cent cheaper or do I just stay local and give up the 3 cent?

My gage was probably at half of a quarter tank.. and I have about a 12 gallon tank so do the math. 36 cents wasn’t going to put me in the poverty house. In fact, I bet I have at least 36 dollars in change underneath the car seat!

So I drive over to the closest gas station and begin to do my thing. Now.. I am aware enough of my surroundings to not get caught between a gang war shoot out but other then that… I tend to not get too involved in what other people are doing.

I’m standing there.. leaning against my clown car when I hear someone call out, “.. well, look who it is.”

I don’t budge. Don’t even flex a muscle. Even though I know alot of people in the neighborhood.. I actually haven’t been back in the neighborhood that long for someone to recognize me.

Or so I thought.

I hear, “… YO LEESE! THAT’S YOU, RIGHT?”

I turn around and who is parked directly across from my clown car? Chris D.

Now just let me back up alittle here so you get the full scope of my angst.

Chris D and I dated from 1986 to 1987. Well… “date” is a loose term especially since he started running on me with his ex after like.. the first month or something.

But I hold no grudge. So what that he was the first guy to break my heart. It’s been like, 20 years so… it’s been “gotten over” with.

Anyway.. so I didn’t really have to pretend to act surprised. I was and give him a “Hey! How are you!” greeting.

There is safety when two cars stand between you and the person who shredded you. But it’s been like, 20 years so.. it’s been “gotten over” with.

He says he’s fine and there’s this uncomfortable silence. What do you really say? Me..  not being one for uncomfortable silences.. but definately at a loss on how to fill it stays with the niceties and says, “… you look good.”

Actually.. he didn’t. A fact that I neither felt bad about or relished in. It was just something safe to say.

Or so I thought.

He makes this nodding Yea-I-Know-I-Do face and returns with, “.. .well I can’t say the same about you.”

Immediately a million and one things go through my mind.

While I may not be the size 9… bleached blond long hair wearing… blue eyeliner smudging.. skirt so short you could see the tampon string wearing chick I was when I was 22.. I am certainly NOT the size 24.. 265lb chin hanging down to my ankles girl I was when he last saw me at a mutual friends funeral when I was 32.

Can I just reiterate that one last fact…

I am SO NOT ANYWHERE NEAR 265lbs anymore…

Anyway.. I wasn’t the one who stood him up more then picked him up.. I’m not the one who told him my step father’s wake was the day after it really was :: guess he thought I didn’t read obituaries since I was then a blond :: I wasn’t the one who did all the things that would make someone still hold a grudge after 20 years.

How do you respond to that? If I said, “.. well, I lied. You really don’t either.” it would just have come off as me back peddling and being bitchy.

Even though it is the truth.

So I took the high road. Grinned.. shook my head and said, “.. you’re still a trip”. Got in my car and took off.

But it did bother me. Still does. Still don’t know why. I guess having heard everything I heard during my marriage being drilled into me on a semi-daily basis still has some residual affect. I mean… logically, I know that his cutting me down at the knees was more about boosting his self esteem by trashing mine and even though it hurt then.. and sometimes still does.. I just lock it away in the deepest part of my brain and not let it see the light.

Until nights like tonight when the universe is tilted just at the right angle to let that little bit of self doubt seep through the tracks.

But fuck ’em… I know who I am

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.  Leese

 

Gastronomically Challenged

Okay.. so before I even begin this, I don’t want to make any assumptions. Do you all know what a blood orange is?

Sometimes called a Tarocco (the Italian variety) or a Sanguilanello (the Spanish variety) Orange.

This is the orange that is red inside:

They’re really good if you’ve never tasted them

Anyway.. you now know they exist and you know what they look like.

Getting on with it…

So my mom was having company tonight so she asked me to take a ride over to the super market and pick up stuff that she normally doesn’t keep in the house.

That’s misleading… other then the Hungry Man frozen dinner from 1975 and a can of crushed pineapple that swollen with botulism, she doesn’t “keep” anything in the house.

At any rate.. so I go and I hit the snack aisle for her. While I’m there I happen to notice that this particular super market is carrying a line of Italian soda.. complete with real fruit.

You know where I’m going with this, dontcha?

There happen to be two teenage girls of a different ethnicity :: hey.. it’s the politest way I can put it :: in the same aisle. One happens to notice the Italian soda. She happens to notice the Italian soda named SICILIAN BLOOD ORANGE.

All of a sudden you  hear this … this … shriek that probably sent dolphins all over the world into a choreographed spasm..

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

She then procedes to call over her girlfriend, “…YA GOTTSA SEE DIS.. YA GOTTSA SEE DIS” she yells holding up the Sicilian Blood Orange soda complete with settled red sediment.

The girlfriend moseys :: really, that’s the only word for it :: over. “.. Whatchuwant?”

“OOOO… OOOOO… LOOK DEM EYE-TALIANS DRINK BLOOOOOD! DEY DRINK BLOOOOOOD!!!”

The other girl saw what she was holding and started screaming herself, “… PUT IT DOWN PUT IT DOWN YOU GONNA CATCH SUMTPIN FROM DAT BLOOD”

I literally had one of those cross-your-knees-to-keep-from-peeing-yourself laughter fits.

If they had lingered longer, I would have went down the aisle, excused myself.. grabbed a bottle.. open it and take a nice long swig out of it but they high tailed it so fast out of the aisle, you’d think the Prince of Darkness was behind them.

Good laugh though

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. Leese

1 Versus 100 Versus Me

You see this show?

Basically a player goes up against the “mob” of 100 answering mulitple choice questions. If any member of the “mob” misses a particular question, you get a dollar amount.

I would have won 185,300.00 Friday night…

I need to get on this show…

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. Leese

Rantings Of A Demented Mind Part III

NOW the cows are fucking responsible for global warming!

Did you happen to read this a few freakin’ days ago? Holy JESUS this torques me big time.

Let’s just shove under the rug the damage being done to the environment by cars and factories. Let’s just forget that Humvee’s are not classified as cars or sports utility vehicles so don’t fall under any national guidelines for what blows out of their exhaust pipes.

No.. no… let’s not blame THAT.. let’s blame freaking cow farts.

Yep.. that’s just randomly bizarre enough for people to jump on the bandwagon with … wave their banners of wanting to save the earth for future generations while driving their SUVs to the demonstration.

Cow farts.

If you believe what they want you to believe.. .each molecule of methane :: cow farts ::have 21 times more global warming potential then a molecule of CO2.

Ban cows? No.. nothing that extreme. Can’t leave the hungry 3am masses without any place to drive through, can we? No.. no.. no… the answer of course is with CHEMICLES..

Yes.. yes… solving the global warming issue is as easy as giving cows a genetically engineered bovine growth hormone.

Riiigggghhhhttttt….

… and just where do you think the genetically engineered bovine growth hormones GO after the cow is slaughtered and turned into a Bubba Burger?

Hmmm?? Did you ever wonder why there are 9 year old girls with racks bigger then mine and who have been on their period since they were 6?

Come ON people… grow some brains and stop swallowing what’s being spoon fed to you!!

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. NOW you know why I very rarely eat meat?

Rantings Of A Demented Mind Part II

You know what pisses me off?

I subscribe to MusicMatch Jukebox. Lost the rights to Rhapsody in the divorce but that’s a whole other post.

At any rate.. I know how I am with music. There was a time that every Tuesday, I’d fly over to Tower and drop some serious coin on CDs that were only listened to a few times before being hidden away in the closet and out of the reaches of my mother and her flea market obsessions.

Also became a pain in the ass when I have had to move. My damn vinyl and CD collection needed it’s own freakin’ UHaul.

So for a monthly fee that’s less then the price of a current CD, I have access to listen to whatever music I want.. whenever I want. I can also burn just the tracks that I want so I don’t have to ever get stuck with sucky CDs ever again…

Actually think they lose money on me but … their problem.

I do miss the inserts sometimes… but that’s a whole other post for another time…

But.. well.. you know the honeymoon couldn’t last right?

So last week when me and D were hanging out, we started listening to Kate Bush’s “The Sensual World” CD.

NOTE:
See… this is why D is so wicked cool. I can say.. with 100% certainty.. that no one else that I know knows who Kate Bush is.. let alone owns her music.

I’ve been into Kate Bush ever since hearing “Wuthering Heights”. Love that song and it never feels to put me in a place whenever I hear it. Not that I hear it in random places or anything. I generally have to actually play it to hear it.

So not the point…

Anyway… I’ll admit that I’ve been out the “non-opera… non-classical” loop for too long a time so when he told me about the last CD she put out :: AERIAL for those who care to know :: I figured I’d pull it up.. give it a listen.. and burn it.

So I did…

Right off the bat I though something was queer because there was only 7 songs listed and doing the quick add of the track times put the whole disc under 40 minutes.

Uh-uh. Something not smelling right in sushi town

So I go to her website and sure enough Aerial is a 2 disc CD. MusicMatch only has 1 available.

Stranger still is the fact that MusicMatch has plenty of multiple CDs so for whatever reason :: whether KB only allowed one disc to be internetted or whether MM are just idiots :: only the one is available.

It is.. btw.. brilliant so off to Border’s I go to buy it.

See!! A use for the gift cards after all!!

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. Listen to Kate Bush.. trust me on this one!