Yknow… a friend of mine used to say, “… everything happens to you and Dick Tracey!”
If you know me.. then you know just how true those words are!
So okay.. earlier I had to take my mom and grandmom over to my brother’s for a BBQ.LAST thing I wanted to do and VERY LAST place I wanted to be but yknow.. it’s one of those obligatory things that didn’t leave me any options.
Doesn’t take me long before I’m bored out of my silly little mind so I grab my keys and take a ride over to CVS because I did need to get yet ANOTHER blow dryer. Don’t even ask.. it’s pathetic.
Anyway…
It was pouring.. I mean POURING. So I was just chillin’ in my cammies, standard white tee, flip-flops and had the mass of hair shoved up under a garrison cap.
Shut up.. there’s a reason why I’m telling you this!
So I go into CVS and there’s like 28 million hair dryers to chose from ranging from 9.99 to 79.99. Now, I’ll be the first one to admit that I spend money without blinking… all you have to do is look in my closet at the pair of shoes I dropped a paycheck on :: those being the one’s that are under-lit and surrounded by velvet ropes! :: but even I wouldn’t spend 80 bucks on a hair dryer.. and if I was GOING to spend 80 bucks on a hair dryer… it wouldn’t be from the drugstore!!
Anyway… so I grab one but there was like, one cashier and 30 people in line. One thing I hate.. is waiting in line. So I mosey around the store and wind up picking up some girly crap :: check out the HOTTIE post :: and by this time, the line is shorter so I make my way over.
So I’m standing in line behind this guy, minding my own business when my cell phone rings. Now, the default ring tone on my phone is the military trumpet thing.. I don’t know what the hell it’s called :: actually, I do. I just don’t know how to spell it! :: but it’s the one they blow in the morning.. BAH DAH DAHDAHDAH BAH DAH DAHDAH BAH DAH DAHDAHDAH DAH DAH DAH.
You’ll know it if you hear it…
Anyway, the things blaring and I’m trying to juggle what I’m holding to grab it.
NOTE:
Will somebody remind me to grab a basket when I go into a store!!
So, of course, I miss the call. Not only does the guy in front of me turn around.. but everybody in the store turns and looks. This doesn’t bother me. But the guy says, “Boy, I thought I was back in the service for a minute.”
I chuckle. “Drop and give me 20.”
He chuckles and says, “…I’LL give you 20.” with a smirk.
Okee Dokee. Whatever.
So I check my phone, see the number and return the call. It’s my cousin Frankie. So I call him back, ask what he wants and he asks me if I can get tickets for the Phillies’ game for their next home series. I give him a hard time about only calling me for tickets but he knows I’m not serious.. that’s how we roll. Anyway.. he starts going into this whole litany about the Phils.. which I could care less about. Just because I get the tix doesn’t mean I’m all that into it but I’m still in line and wasn’t going anywhere. So we’re going back and forth obsessing about this and that, etc. I do happen to mention that the only reason why the Phils are even slightly interesting is because of Shane Victorino… him of the goatee and bald head.
Frankie hates when I do that. “Would you stop being a damn woman. This is baseball for christ sakes.” He hates it but it makes me laugh so….
I hang up the phone and the guy infront of me says, “You like baseball, huh?”. I kind of make a face. “Yea… it’s okay. But rather have all 16 heartbraking weeks of football.” It was his turn to make a face. So he kind of shakes his head and says, “Wow. Not too many women I know like football.” Hmmm… must not know too many women…
I don’t reply. Do I care? That would be a NEGATIVE.
So when I don’t respond, he said, “Oh, but you just like looking at the guys right?”
Now, I know that when people stand in line for an ungodly amount of time, they tend to talk to the other people stranded in Waitsville and I don’t have a problem with that. I’d rather make time move chatting up people then just standing there shifting my weight from one leg to the other.
“Nah. I like the game”
“Oh, because I heard you talking. You like bald guys, huh?”
Honestly, I was half paying attention to him. “What?”, I said.
“I used to be bald,” he said taking off his baseball cap. “But now I just clip it close.”
Rod Steiger hiding behind the cotton balls????? Uh, okay… whatever. What do you say to that? I mean seriously. Think about it. What do you really say to that?
OH. Is what I said.
Now, I don’t know about you, but in my world “OH” is not a license to keep on talking. Which is exactly what he did. I now know that he works for the county, is recently divorced and moved back with his mother, just bought a 2007 Tahoe, has a daughter and a son, and would very much like to take me out for a drink because what am I, like 28 or something?
Mr. Swifty tried to slide that one in but I used to play shortstop in high school so that was an easy one to field.
“Uh, gee… I appreciate the offer.” I say only because I was raised right… for the most part. “But I’m going to have to pass.”
“Why?”
Please, please, please don’t do that!!! If anybody ever turns you down or puts you off.. please, please, please don’t ask for an explaination!! If I wanted to say I think you’re creepy then I would have… I’m trying to spare you here…
“Um, I’m seeing someone” Okay.. so I left out the “kinda-sorta”. But it still isn’t a lie, right?
He laughs. “Oh. Well, if it isn’t serious then how about if I give you my number and you call tomorrow? You’re a good looking girl and I can tell you’re alot of fun :: oh, yea.. because of my cammies and garrison cap I bet ::, It’s not like I’m proposing or something.”
So now, I know Goober always tells me about men not being good with clues and hints. I didn’t think I was being vague but… OBVIOUSLY Mr. Swifty wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
I could have just shot him down at the knees but I kinda felt bad for him so I told him that “… he made my day by asking” but it just wasn’t going to happen.
He really didn’t need to call me a bitch… because if he hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have had to call him a simple son of a bitch that couldn’t catch a clue with a net.
Unreal!
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. Leese
LIVING ME 101 